Topic: Funny

These Beauty Ingredients From The Past Could Actually Kill You. [Right Sidebar]

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Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Tell them I hate them. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock.

The Honking

Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Actually, that’s still true. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Meh. Yeah, lots of people did.

  • Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!
  • Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life.
  • WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!
  • Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

A Big Piece of Garbage

Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?! Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

The Why of Fry

I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

  1. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!
  2. I can explain. It’s very valuable.
  3. Eeeee! Now say “nuclear wessels”!
  4. Oh God, what have I done?
Parasites Lost

You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared…

Anthology of Interest II

With gusto. Our love isn’t any different from yours, except it’s hotter, because I’m involved. Please, Don-Bot… look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file! THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Losing Weight Right Now.

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Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter?

Born Free

Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive.

  • I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.
  • Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.

Take It!

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Like a sloth. I can do that. Cops, another community I’m not part of. I’m really more an apartment person.

Father Knows Best

You all right, Dexter? You all right, Dexter? He taught me a code. To survive. I’m really more an apartment person.

  1. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
  4. I’m really more an apartment person.
Popping Cherry

I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Cops, another community I’m not part of. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. He taught me a code. To survive. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Watching ice melt. This is fun.

An Inconvenient Lie

I’m generally confused most of the time. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. I’m really more an apartment person. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.

What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

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Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Natural Born Kissers

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

  • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
  • Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Life on the Fast Lane

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Selma’s Choice

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

  1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
  2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
  3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Rosebud

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Cape Feare

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

18 Animals With Ridiculously Misleading Names. Where Did They Come Up With These?

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Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

What… is your quest?

Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?

  • Camelot!
  • Burn her!
  • We want a shrubbery!!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

I’m not dead!

Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

Bridgekeeper

Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.

  1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
  2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!

Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?

What… is your quest?

…Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!