Yearly Archives: 2016

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Losing Weight Right Now.

Posted by on in Funny, Stories, Uncategorized

Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter?

Born Free

Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive.

  • I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.
  • Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.

Take It!

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Like a sloth. I can do that. Cops, another community I’m not part of. I’m really more an apartment person.

Father Knows Best

You all right, Dexter? You all right, Dexter? He taught me a code. To survive. I’m really more an apartment person.

  1. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
  4. I’m really more an apartment person.
Popping Cherry

I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Cops, another community I’m not part of. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. He taught me a code. To survive. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Watching ice melt. This is fun.

An Inconvenient Lie

I’m generally confused most of the time. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. I’m really more an apartment person. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.

Here Are Some Cats Who Prove Why They Aren’t Considered Man’s Best Friend.

Posted by on in Life, Other, Uncategorized

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Vincent and the Doctor

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

What This Man Did For The Woman He Loves Makes Everyone Else Look Bad.

Posted by on in Other, Stories, Uncategorized

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Afternoon delight

Steve Holt! Across from where? Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I’m a monster. That’s why you always leave a note!

  • That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  • I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Marry me. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Pier Pressure

I’ve opened a door here that I regret. We just call it a sausage. I care deeply for nature. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

  1. Marry me.
  2. Really? Did nothing cancel?
  3. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
  4. Across from where?
  5. We just call it a sausage.
Pier Pressure

Whoa, this guy’s straight? There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.

Good Grief!

Guy’s a pro. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.

27 Truly Terrifying Tattoos That Will Haunt

Posted by on in Other, Uncategorized, Videos

Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco. Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.

Porro Quisquam

Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit. Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem.

  • Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat.
  • Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus.
  • Eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi.
  • Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque.

Ut Enim

Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat. Quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. At vero eos et accusamus.

Ipsam Vuptatem

Esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum. Quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit.

  1. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  2. Nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum.
  3. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  4. Cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia.
  5. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit.
Ut Enim

Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. At vero eos et accusamus.

Porro Quisquam

Esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga.